|Hola, buenos dias and welcome to innocent, population 62. It's a small place but we sure are friendly. And we make nice drinks too.
The bucket stops here
Detoxing. The options are manifold. Cut out the booze. Lay off the bacon. Stick a hosepipe up your bum and whistle the theme tune to Porridge. All of these are socially acceptable ways to get rid of nasty toxins that build up in your body. Or (and we guess that you knew there would be an 'or') you could just drink some of our new big 1 litre natural detox smoothie. It's stuffed full of lemon, honey and ginger (you may be familiar with the smaller 250ml version) so it's bound to help you in acute times of need. On the shelves in lots of Sainsbury's stores as of tomorrow.
Five figure fury
We are approaching a milestone. In fact, we're approaching a couple. For it was on the 28th day of April in the year of 1999 that we sold our first smoothie in a sandwich shop called Out To Lunch in the Ladbroke Grove area of London. The shop was two doors down from our first HQ (enough room to swing a tiny cat with no legs, etc) and was run by Phil, who we think now lives in St Albans. We miss those olden days when we used to deliver drinks using a horse and cart (see picture) but progress is an inevitable part of a growing business.
The second milestone is one that you have made yourselves. You see, we are getting close to having 10,000 subscribers for our webnews. We started off with 11 people a few years ago and, you know, it just kind of grew from there. So we want to do something special for Mr or Mrs or Ms or Dr 10,000. We want to give you a lucky treat, whoever you turn out to be. In fact, we will give you a big case of smoothies every month for the next year. What better reason do you need for getting your boyfriend/wife/little sister to subscribe (hint: using the 'send to a friend' button at the bottom will save you time).
The voice of reason
Some of you may have seen our TV advert - the one with the carton and the fruit and the trees (if you haven't you can watch it here ).
Well, we thought it would be a good idea if we started showing it in Ireland, seeing as we sell our drinks there. And we thought it would be an even better idea to get one of our Irish contingent to do the voiceover. So off we went to the studio with Stuart and Kevin to see who could make the sweetest love to the mic. In the end, Stuart's country brogue just pipped Kevin's Dublin twang to the post, meaning that Stuart will now be mobbed by thousands of adoring fans whenever he goes back to see the family. Probably.
In other Irish news, Pete has just bought a new bike to get him around Dublin (see picture), and both he and Matt are now fully ensconced in the all-new Fruit Towers, Dublin branch. If you want to say hello, they're at 46 Mountjoy Square.
Just do it
By now we think that you may know the score. We are growing quite quickly and we need more people to come and work at Fruit Towers. It's a great place to work. We have hot and cold running water, some desks and a couple of fire extinguishers. You'd like it. Check www.innocentdrinks.co.uk/us/jobs to see if there's something for you.
Life's not a sprint
Last week's competition was a call to arms to all those who ran the London marathon. We wanted to hear your stories of pain, glory and inner leg chafing. And we've picked our favourite three - Desiree, Dan and Richard - who all win drinks. Here are brief highlights of their
Desiree - was handed a refreshing bottle of Lucozade by Jonny Wilkinson at mile 23; clocked 3 hours 40 minutes; went to the pub afterwards.
Dan - second toe swelled up to same size as big toe but he managed to do it in 3 hours 11 minutes. Second toe has now 'burst'. Hmm.
Richard - managed to finished the race even though there was a disco going on under his kneecap. So did his brother, even though he dropped a melon on his foot the Friday before the big day.
Here at innocent we are big believers in self-improvement. So whether you're learning to play the glockenspiel (pictured), are halfway through a course of Estonian for Beginners or have just finished building your first semi-detached house, we say well done. You are a silently improving hero.
O'Brien's is a chain of rather nice Irish sandwich shops that sell our drinks. And this week we have 3 things to say about them.
1. They opened their first Dutch outlet last week in The Hague. The owner Brendan's brother and father played the bagpipes outside to celebrate.
2. If you're in Ireland you can currently buy one of our smoothies and a Wrappo (one of those wrap style sandwiches) for only €5.49.
3. O'Brien is the sixth most popular surname in Ireland
Je ne parle pas le francais
We'd like to share a nice email that we got from a French lady called Emeline. Unfortunately, seeing as we are all a bit dull, we can't translate it. A carton of drinks and a French kiss* to the first person who sends a good translation to email@example.com
C'est la 1ere fois aujourd'hui que je goute un de vos smoothie... et quel bonheur!!! Je m'étais toujours demandé pourquoi personne ne lancait un VRAI jus de fruit, comme on fait à la maison, sans rien ajouter! Alors je n'ai qu'un mot à dire MERCI!! Ils sont délicieux vos jus de fruits, ne changez rien! En plus, votre communication est plus que bien faite et si vous appliquez tout ce que vous dites alors vous avez trouvé en moi une trés trés grande fan.... D'ailleurs je m'en vais de ce pas acheter toutes les bouteilles du magasin pour les ramener à la maison! Merci beaucoup pour ce vrai produit innovant! Bonne continuation!
Guinea pigs and suits of armour
You may remember that last week we asked you to send us pictures that showed you working off your Easter egg induced love handles. And we are pleased to show you the three winners - Dave and Andy getting medieval on each other's, erm, persons; Beth and friends at EC&O doing some aerobics with a Madonna lookalike; and Portia and Milo racing their guinea pigs in the backyard. Drinks are on their way to you all.
You write the news
We figured that it might be quite a nice idea to have a bit in our news that's actually your news - you send us in things that have happened to you,
or maybe some advance warning of your village fete, and then we can spread the word to like-minded innocent people.
There is one proviso - we maintain the right to not shamelessly plug other people's products or pass on any news that could be deemed a) a bit rude or b)
a bit boring. But we reckon that it might just work. Just send your news to firstname.lastname@example.org
And we'll reward anything that we use with a big fat case of drinks and a knowing smile. Thanks.