Stir it up

When Al Gore invented the internet in 1937, this is what he had in mind. Brilliant films made by young men who just want to help their fellow smoothie drinkers get the last bit out of the carton. Watch Greg mash it up, as they say in certain Jamaican discotheques. Click here for the film fun.

Cobblers

We've had some good job applications in the past. We once got a CV where someone said that their hobbies were reading and swimming. It was very interesting. But last week we got an even better one. It was an old shoe, from somebody who said that they were trying to get their foot in the door. Foot in the door. Shoe. We liked it a lot. So here's a picture of Mel with the shoe. And here are all the current job vacancies.

I sense a presence

It is said that you only have one life. And although there are some who disagree, we have to say that we have seen no solid evidence that you'll be coming back as a Chihuahua next time. So we'll be exhibiting our wares at the One Life Live show in London from 3-5 March and hopefully helping people enjoy the one life we all seem to be living at the moment. Come along if you're free.

PS If you do have any evidence of reincarnation, previous lives or ghost dogs, let us know. We love all of that stuff.

Ink different

There comes a time in every man's life when he must cut loose. Buy a fringed leather jacket, grow a goatee beard, rev up a fancy motorbike and ride around the block a couple of times, looking tough. But there is one thing that marks out the free spirited, freewheeling gentleman more than any other, and that is the tattoo. Some get swallows inked upon their necks, or perhaps a spider's web on the elbow, but sometimes only the logo of a small smoothie company will do. As in Barry's case. Ladies and gentlemen, we are proud to present Barry and his innocent tattoo. It's a real one and it's on his arm.

NB we've distorted his face in case his parents see.

A warm welcome

We'd like to extend a warm welcome to Emma, Emilie, Mat, Paul, Jenny and Stef. They're all stunningly attractive, have fresh breath and started working here recently. Some facts about them follow:

• Emma – her hero as a child was Penny (Inspector Gadget's niece)
• Emilie – once got drunk on fermented woman's spit in the Amazon
• Mat – prefers his chicken lightly seared with prosciutto and sage
• Paul – Def Leppard are his favourite soft metal group
• Jenny – her brother's nickname is Spoon
• Stef – eats pickled herrings washed down with vodka

Your art

We received over 700 entries to complete the following Valentine's couplet last week:

Strawberries are Red,
Mangoes are Variegated,
?
?

Luckily, our resident poetry critic, Dame Danielle Shrimpton-Brook, was able to cast her eye over the competition and proclaim the following three winners, who each get a case of pink smoothies:

Strawberries are Red,
Mangoes are Variegated
Apples love pears,
But they don't know they're related.

By SPJ

"Such art. Wonderful meter, brusque and to the point, with a slightly oaky finish. Great with all types of fish."

strawberries are red,
mangoes are variegated,
kiwis are hairy,
pineapples: serrated.

By Martin

"Like a lone voice in the wilderness, this poem beckoned me. I heeded its call. I am powerless in its grasp. I fear I must have a lie down. [Sigh]."

Strawberries are Red,
Mangoes are Variegated,
If you think I'm wrong,
You will be castrated

By X Wilson

"In a dizzying torrent of syllables, these words are cast before me. And they spell danger. Beautiful, gorgeous danger. I sense a wild spirit, an unconventional upbringing and a meat cleaver. Perhaps we should call social services."

Sea Cow

Congratulations go to Chris Andrews and Clint Evans, who came second in the two-man boat category of the Atlantic Rowing Race. Not only did they row 2,935 miles in 51 and-a-bit days, but they burned around 6,000 calories a day and had an encounter with a 12ft shark. They also did the whole thing in a boat painted like a cow, and raised loads of money for The Parkinson's Disease Society, which pretty much makes them our heroes right now.

Chris even wore one of our t-shirts during the race, although since he lost two stone in the process it's probably a bit on the baggy side now.

You can find out more about their journey here .

I like driving in my car

We love all things modern and hi-tech, like light-up yo-yos and t-shirts that change colour when you're hot. So we were delighted to take delivery of two rather nifty vehicles at Fruit Towers last week. What makes them special is that they're hybrid, which sadly doesn't mean they can talk or be driven underwater, but does mean they have both a petrol engine and a cunning electric motor which is apparently better for the environment and sneaking up on cyclists. All our boxes are ticked.

Spring is here - almost

Cast out your scarf and take th ose mittens down to the charity shop. We're pleased to announce that winter is now officially over - our seasonal smoothie for spring (lychees and passion fruits) has arrived, heralding the arrival of longer days and stirring sap as surely as a crocus peeking shyly through the last of the winter snow.

We can't guarantee any immediate improvement in the weather, but our smoothie for spring should be available in all the usual places from later this week.

They said it would never happen

What the world needs is gloves with soap in them, to make children want more baths. Or some black tomatoes. Or even more of our drinks. You say it'll never happen. Who would invent such gloves, such tomatoes? But this isn't just idle daydreaming. In Belgium these things are real. You see, last week we won a prize in Belgium called the Golden Archer.

The Golden Archers are awarded to innovative products as voted for by all of the big Belgian supermarkets. And in amongst the soap-gloves and dark tomatoes, we won a prize for our very nice drinks.

"What're you doing?"

We haven't had a new feature for a while. The last one was probably Marine Watch, which charted the slow demise of the inhabitants of our fish tank.

But here's a new thing. We call it "What're you doing?" All we do is walk up to someone's desk and ask them "What're you doing?" And Meera is up first:

Meera's very busy. She's just found some lovely people who can make our promotional materials out of recycled stuff. Good news. Also, her mum's gone to India for a bit, so she went back to Hibaldstow (near Hull) to check up on her dad. He'd been surviving on cup-a-soup and naan bread, so she filled the fridge up and sent him off for a Pro Collagen Japanese Silk Booster facial. He'd never had one of those before. On Sunday she cooked him a veggie breakfast, they drank a bottle of champagne and snoozed all after noon.

That's what Meera's been doing.

Stuff that we have seen

Hip veg - beetroot is now 'trendy' and celebs like Fearne Cotton and Catherine Zeta Jones are eating lots of it. That's what it says in the Daily Star. Perhaps they should drink our New Year Detox smoothie .

Porto's - if you're looking for a cross between Subway and Nando's in Warrington, you need look no further than this fine shop. They sell our drinks too.

Little red light - you are using lots of power without even thinking. Read this and then switch off.